Raise your hand if you’ve ever handed your toddler a phone just so they’d eat two mouthfuls of rice and stop acting like a Victorian orphan at the table. Keep your hand up if you said, “It’s only for today, promise,” and now it’s year three and your kid thinks food tastes like Baby Shark.

It always starts the same way:You’re bleary-eyed, scrolling at midnight, baby screaming in the background, and BAM — a reel appears. A glowing mum, perfect skin, no eye bags, holding a bottle of “Natural Baby Brain Booster Plus++” or “Toddler Calm Chewies: Sleep Like Never Before.”

In a world where every milestone is instantly Instagrammable and privacy is traded for likes, a quiet revolution is underway — one that your child didn’t ask for, and one they’ll grow up living inside. Welcome to the age of sharenting — where parents, often with the best of intentions, create a digital identity for their children long before those children can speak, let alone consent.

Most dads walk into parenthood the same way we walk into a packed mama support group meeting by accident: quietly, awkwardly, unsure where to sit. The world doesn’t really pause for you when you become a dad. People ask about the baby.They ask how mum is doing. They never ask if your back hurts from sleeping upright on a hospital chair that clearly predates the iPhone.

So you just popped out a whole human, your uterus is doing the cha-cha back to size, your boobs are leaking like faulty paip Jabatan Air Sabah, and you’re bleeding more than a horror movie finale. But wait — here comes aunty, uncle, and their three uninvited children to "tengok baby."

Screens are supposed to be tools — not pacifiers with WiFi and hypnotic nursery rhymes.

We’re living in an age where your uterus apparently can’t function unless it’s got the approval of some self-declared health guru with a ring light and affiliate code. What used to be consult your doctor has turned into: “Wait, let me check if that girl who sells placenta gummies on Instagram recommends it.” Let’s call it what it is: a circus.