Public Before Consent: Parenting in the Age of Online Oversharing

Your child’s digital footprint started before they could walk.

In a world where every milestone is instantly Instagrammable and privacy is traded for likes, a quiet revolution is underway — one that your child didn’t ask for, and one they’ll grow up living inside.

Welcome to the age of sharenting — where parents, often with the best of intentions, create a digital identity for their children long before those children can speak, let alone consent.

It’s cute. It’s convenient. It’s wildly dangerous.

The Digital Birth of a Baby

According to a 2020 report by Children’s Commissioner for England, the average child has over 1,300 photos of themselves posted online by the age of 13 — many uploaded by parents. And that starts shockingly early: one in three babies has a digital footprint before they are even born, thanks to ultrasound photos posted on social media.

It’s not just baby’s first smile. It’s baby’s hospital bracelet, rash-covered bum, potty-training meltdown, and their most vulnerable moments — shared with the world, often forever.

And unlike that cringey childhood photo album gathering dust in your mum’s drawer, these digital posts are searchable, screenshot-able, and resurface-able in ways that can’t be undone.

Cute or Catastrophic? The Ethics of Sharenting

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about shaming parents who want to share the joy of their children. But when kids become content — without consent — it’s time to examine what we’re really doing.

Children have:

• No control over how they’re portrayed

• No say in whether their worst tantrum becomes a Reel

• No way to curate their own identity in a world where it’s already being shaped for them

And when they’re old enough to understand? It’s not always pretty. A 2022 study by University of Michigan found that 42% of teens felt uncomfortable or angry about content their parents shared — especially when it involved embarrassing or sensitive details.

Psychological Fallout: It’s Not Just About Privacy

Sharenting may seem harmless, but psychologists warn it could create long-term impacts on identity formation, boundaries, and trust.

Children who grow up being documented constantly may:

• Develop performance-based self-worth, feeling they’re only valued when they’re “cute” or “content-worthy”

• Struggle with autonomy and control over their personal narrative

• Experience anxiety around being watched, judged, or exposed

And then there’s the issue of parental surveillance — where kids are tracked, documented, and sometimes monetised in the name of love. What starts as a baby update can blur into a brand.

Data Harvesting and Stranger Danger, Rebranded

Beyond the ethical debate lies a much darker truth: children’s photos are not just seen by friends and family.

They are:

• Scraped and stored by data companies

• Used to train facial recognition algorithms

• Potentially saved and misused by predators

A 2019 report by the eSafety Commissioner of Australia revealed that half of the images found on child exploitation sites originated from innocent family posts. No nudity required — just everyday moments, taken out of context.

Meanwhile, AI can now reconstruct a person’s face and identity using just a handful of images. Your child’s face — posted lovingly to Facebook at age two — could one day be used in ways neither of you imagined.

The Rise of the Child Influencer Economy

We can’t talk about sharenting without talking money.

Enter the kidfluencer economy — where children become social media personalities managed by their parents. Sponsored posts, YouTube vlogs, unboxing toys for millions of views. Some families are earning serious income — but at what cost?

These children:

• Work without the same legal protections as child actors

• Are often filmed during private moments (bedtime, tantrums, family conflict)

• Grow up with blurred lines between family life and performance

In the US, only Illinois and California have started passing laws protecting the rights of child influencers. Most countries, including Malaysia, have zero regulations — meaning your child’s image, earnings, and privacy are up for grabs.

But “They’re Just Kids” — Until They’re Not

Children aren’t just accessories to your parenting journey. They’re people. And one day, they’ll grow up, Google themselves, and face a digital trail they didn’t choose.

Your newborn doesn’t know that their naked bath photo is on 14 phones. Your 5-year-old doesn’t understand that their tantrum became a meme. But your 16-year-old? They might. And you can’t delete their discomfort.

What You Can Do Instead

Let’s shift from “post first, think later” to intentional, informed sharing. Ask yourself:

• Would I want this shared if it were me?

• Is this photo about my child — or about how I want to be seen?

• Have I asked their permission (if old enough to understand)?

• Is this moment private, embarrassing, or emotionally vulnerable?

• Have I checked my privacy settings — and who actually sees this?

Pro-tip: Instead of posting a photo, write a private note. Keep a journal. Build a photo album. Celebrate your child without putting their digital soul on public display.

Final Word

We are the first generation of parents raising children in full digital view — and our choices matter. It’s not about guilt. It’s about accountability. We owe our kids the right to own their story, their face, and their future — not just their cutest moments.

Before you post, ask: Am I honouring my child’s humanity — or just uploading their identity?