“Why am I crying when I should be happy?”

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You just had a baby. You’re supposed to be glowing, right?
But instead… you’re crying over spilled breast milk, Googling “Is it normal to hate your partner right now?” and wondering why the baby gets all the attention when you feel like a soggy biscuit with a cracked pelvis.

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It’s a question many new mums whisper to themselves in the quiet hours — often with a baby on their chest and tears they don’t understand.

 

Giving birth is one of life’s most powerful moments. But as the body heals, the mind and heart can go on a rollercoaster ride. From unexpected sadness to overwhelming anxiety, many Malaysian mothers experience emotional shifts after childbirth — and that’s completely normal. What’s not normal? Struggling in silence.

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Let’s explore what to expect emotionally after birth, what’s common, what’s concerning, and how you can get help without shame.

The Emotional Whirlwind: What's Normal...and What's Not?

In the first few weeks postpartum, your hormones drop drastically. It’s like a hormonal cliff dive — and for many mums, this triggers the “baby blues".

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Baby blues affect up to 80% of new mothers

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Symptoms include:

• Mood swings

• Tearfulness

• Irritability

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Trouble sleeping (even when the baby sleeps)

 

“I remember crying because I ran out of clean burp cloths. And I felt guilty for crying. But later I found out it was just the blues,” – Aida, new mum from Sabah.

 

The baby blues usually peak around day 4 or 5 and go away by week 2. They don’t require medical treatment, just rest, support, and time.

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When It’s More Than Just the Blues: Postnatal Depression (PND)

For about 1 in 7 Malaysian mothers, the sadness doesn’t go away. It lingers, deepens, and starts to interfere with daily life. This is Postnatal Depression, or PND.

 

Symptoms of PND:

 

• Persistent sadness or crying

• Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy

• Feeling worthless or hopeless

• Changes in appetite or sleep

• Trouble bonding with your baby

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

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“Many women feel ashamed to admit they’re struggling. But postnatal depression is not a weakness — it’s a medical condition. And like all medical conditions, it needs care.”

- Dr. Nurul Izzah Jamaludin, psychiatrist at Hospital Shah Alam
 

PND can appear anytime within the first year after childbirth. If you or someone you love has symptoms that last longer than 2 weeks, please seek help. Talk to your doctor or go to the nearest Klinik Kesihatan. Many hospitals in Malaysia now screen for maternal mental health.

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Other Postpartum Conditions You Should Know About

• Postpartum Anxiety: Constant worrying, racing thoughts, fear that something bad will happen to the baby, physical symptoms like palpitations.

• Postpartum OCD: Disturbing repetitive thoughts or behaviours related to the baby’s safety.

• Postpartum Psychosis (rare but serious): Hallucinations, delusions, confusion. This is a medical emergency — go to the hospital immediately.

 

“With early support and the right treatment, most mothers fully recover. But untreated, postpartum mental health issues can worsen and affect the child, too. Awareness is the first step.”

- Psychiatrist Dr. Ang Mei Ling (KPJ Sabah)

Why You Might Feel This Way (and No, It’s Not Your Fault)

• Hormonal chaos

• Identity crisis (“Who even am I now?”)

• Trauma from birth or pregnancy

• Relationship shifts

• Lack of sleep (honestly, this one alone is enough to break a soul)

• Cultural expectations or pressure to “do pantang right”

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You’re juggling physical pain, societal pressure, and a baby that treats night as day. No wonder you feel off.

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 The Malaysian Context: Why Many Mums Don’t Speak Up

Culturally, many mothers feel the pressure to appear strong — especially during pantang (confinement). You’re supposed to “rest and recover,” not “feel weak.”

 

But emotional health is just as important as physical recovery.

 

In fact, the MOH Malaysia has urged more awareness on postnatal mental health, and many Klinik Kesihatan now do basic mental health screening during postnatal checkups. There are also trained Maternal Mental Health nurses in select public clinics.

 

Note: You can request to speak to a female nurse or doctor if you're more comfortable. You deserve to feel heard.

What Helps: Real Support, Not Just ‘Go Rest Lah’

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Practical Tools:

• Daily check-ins with yourself (even 2 mins)

  • Ask the real questions:

    • What emotion is sitting closest to the surface right now?

    • Am I running on autopilot or actually present?

    • What’s one thing I need today — physically, emotionally, mentally?

    • When’s the last time I drank water on purpose

  • Do a body scan

    • Am I clenching anything? (Jaw, shoulders, butt… yes, that too.)

    • Am I in pain or discomfort?

    • When’s the last time I stretched, peed, or breathed properly?

  • Track the mental load

    • What am I holding that isn’t mine to carry today?

    • Can I offload one thing (to a person, a list, or the trash bin)?

  • Emotional Name-and-Claim

    • “Today I feel… _____ because _____.”

    • “I’m carrying ___% exhaustion, ___% guilt, and ___% rage at that one comment my MIL made.”

  • End with a kind promise

    • “What’s one small kindness I can give myself today?”
      It could be:

      • A nap without guilt

      • Eating the chocolate and not sharing

      • Turning off notifications

      • Texting “I’m not okay today” to a safe person

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• Journaling what you actually feel

• Boundaries: say no to visitors if you’re not up for it

• A “bad day” box: soothing music, favourite snack, emergency contact list

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Emotional Support:

• Talk to someone — spouse, friend, or stranger who gets it

• Join a mama group or WhatsApp circle

• Therapy is not taboo — it’s powerful

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“It took me 6 months to admit I needed help. But when I did? It saved my life.” – Tasha, Sabah mum of 1

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What You Can Do Now

 

If you're reading this and feeling sad, scared, or “not yourself” — please don’t wait. Help is not only available — it is your right.

 

Where to get help?

Click here for local services & support